Why I'm Here

I think I moved to SLC for a reason. Obviously I moved here for a reason, but I mean I moved here for a bigger reason. A bigger reason than simply "it's cheaper than Seattle" Last week I was walking to catch my bus, and I've been experimenting with taking different streets to get more familiar with this city. I walked by a house that instantly made me feel something, it sparked a memory. I stopped and thought about it, and I realized that the house I saw reminded me of my grandparents house. The house they lived in when I was a kid. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents as a child. My mom would go off on one of her adventures, and I would stay with them till she got it out of her system. I never wanted to leave, I always wanted to stay.
But the house, and the street, and something in the air made me think of them, and that time in my life. Time spent with my grandparents are some of my happiest memories.
The weather here reminds me of the weather in Ohio where I grew up. Not everyday, but mainly when it rains. It doesn't just rain, first it gets windy, sometimes blustery, and a lot of times it thunders and lightnings. It doesn't rain often here, it's no Seattle, but when it does it's an event! It rained like that in Ohio a lot. I remember many summer thunderstorms. I haven't lost electricity yet, but in rural Ohio it happened with almost every storm.
These are my memories, my stories, my experiences. I feel like my memories were pushed aside when I was adopted. I guess I didn't notice, or care. My adoptive parents are really good at telling people what they should or shouldn't be feeling. So, it never felt safe to talk about good memories, I saw the hurt look in their eyes when I would. Looking back, I can see that the hurt was a genuine feeling, and you can't be mad at people for their feelings, but at the same time I believe that I have a right to my memories, it's a part of me. I have a right to acknowledge that my childhood had good times, not just bad, and I had good people in my life. I denied those memories for so long, and even though they help shape who I am, it was like they never existed.
I think I moved here so I can remember who I was, where I came from. It sounds silly to say, because I'm very far away from where I came from, but it all feels very familiar. And I am here alone, except for my cats. No one to tell me what or how to feel. Or that "you just shouldn't think of that stuff" And I think I keep coming across things that jar my memories because it's been long enough. If I sincerely want to be happy and healthy, I have to deal with my past, and all of the confusion that goes along with it.