Liquid Confidence

Something I'm learning as I go on this journey to health is that it's not only hard to break old habits like smoking, drinking, etc.  But also all those self loathing thoughts that go on in your head. I've been wondering lately if I will even be able to recognize if I've lost my beer weight. I cannot think of a single time in my life that I've been satisfied with my body. When I finally overcame my eating disorder I put on some weight, and slowly over the years as my drinking increased so did my weight.
We also are weird about people loving themselves. We say that's what we want is for people to love themselves, and be proud and happy, but we also seem to cringe when people come out and say self loving things. I've always wondered about that. I guess there is such a thing as too much love.
I think another one of the many reasons I drank was that after a certain amount of alcohol entered my system, I started feeling better about myself, more confident. The funny thing is I was really looking my worst. Sometimes I miss those nights of liquid confidence.
Some people can almost make it seem as if loving yourself is as easy as just turning on the switch. Maybe it is that easy for some people, maybe they genuinely wake up one day and just decide to love themselves. But it isn't proving to be that easy for me. I see progress for sure, and I have days where I am doing really well, but it's still my natural inclination to be self destructive, and it is hard not being self destructive, and sometimes it just feels like too much work, and I wonder if I will ever get there. And I wonder why it's so hard for some, and so dang easy for others.
Meditation is helping tremendously. It's one of those thins you have to see for yourself. I always believed other people when they talked about the benefits, but I didn't really believe it would help me.
Sometimes I listen to positive affirmations as I'm going to sleep and I'm starting to believe what I say!