Shedding it All

I don't have a full length mirror in my apartment. And I don't even have a chair that I can pull up to the bathroom mirror to try and see most of me. It's been so freeing! I've been so preoccupied with being in a new state and city, trying to find a job, and feeling stressed, lonely, depressed that I haven't even worried too much about how I look. It's a far cry from the old me who used to obsess over every single flaw. Or the old me who drank so much that I just didn't care. I'm in between those two versions of me. It's not that I don't care, but I don't care to the point where I feel a need to pick myself apart. It serves no purpose. I want to live the rest of my life focusing on everything else. Believe it or not, I don't think I will buy a full length mirror anytime soon. I haven't owned a scale in years, and it has helped my psyche tremendously. It's also nice getting to know me, from the inside. All I've ever known is hating myself. And I've made life choices based on that hate. Life choices that supported that hate.
I was having a hard day emotionally yesterday, but physically I was feeling great. I've been working out and eating healthy, not smoking or drinking, so I'm feeling great. So, I'm at the store yesterday, and I walk by a mirror, and did not like what I saw. It sent me into a tailspin that took a lot of energy to talk myself out of. And I had enough going on. Loathing myself has gotten me nowhere in life.
My posts have somewhat of downers lately, and I'm sorry. I wanted to document all the positive changes, and I believe they're coming, I just think I have to slog through all this stuff in my emotional junk drawer first.
This blog is still going nowhere. I promise one day it will. I'm just struggling right now, and my thoughts are all over, and I guess I just need to vent.
I don't know why, but I feel like someday I'm going to look back on this time as a time of personal growth. I recently lost almost everything, and that has to mean something. Like, I lost stuff that I needed to lose. Maybe I'm just telling myself that to feel better. Only time will tell I guess.