Letting Go

For two and a half weeks, before I moved to SLC, I stayed with my ex boyfriend. I know I shouldn't say anything bad about him, I should just be grateful that he let me crash, but man it was a challenge. He made my life very difficult, and I was already going through one of the worst experiences of my life. He is someone that lacks any empathy towards anyone. It's funny how I was friends with him for so long, and I never noticed this trait. I guess this is why you don't make friends when you're drinking to the point of blackout every night. I find myself being surprised by his behavior all the time, but I was friends with him for ten or eleven years before we ever dated.
I remember one day, before I decided to move to SLC, I was trying to find a second job in Seattle. I was on my way to drop off a resume, and we were having a discussion that was getting dangerously close to an argument. I asked him if we could finish the "discussion" when I got home, and he said he had to say "one more thing". Well, the one more thing was something really shitty. and it hurt my feelings. I don't even remember what the discussion/argument was about, or what the shitty thing was. But I know that it upset me, and it was super hard to go take this resume to wherever I took it. Like I was struggling to hold it together as it was. There were many times in the short period I stayed with him where he almost pushed me over the edge.
He also has a knack for bringing me down when something good happens. There have been many times where for whatever reason I'm feeling really good, in some cases even celebratory, and he will pick some petty little fight, or choose that moment to bring up something from the past, some way that I annoyed him, and it just has to be pointed out right then.
It's funny, not too long ago I read an article on how often we will pick romantic partners who remind us of the parent who hurt us most. D has qualities of both my birth mom, but also my adoptive parents. As a matter of fact, my adoptive parents loved him.
As is the case with situations like these, it's only I that can change things. He isn't going to change. His classic response to everything is "this is who I am" So, if you have a problem with anything he does, it's just that your problem. And sometimes he even takes such offense, that you are the one who ends up apologizing.
I don't know why it's so hard to completely let go. It might be because I have so few people in my life that I have any kind of history with. I do think of him as family in some weird way. And I keep hoping that one day, my dear old friend will reappear, and things can be amazing again. But that day is not coming.
For now, I'm working on focusing on the things and people that make me feel good. I guess I'm hoping that I'll just naturally faze him out. I'm one of those people who ignore the hundred nice things people say, and focus on the one bad thing someone says. I have to stop letting him be that person.