Monday Musings

This past Saturday was the Salt Lake City vegfest. I believe it was the first ever vegfest here. I also have never been to a vegfest. I signed up to volunteer one year in Seattle, and good old social anxiety mixed with a hangover got the best of me. I wanted to go so many years, but crowds really overwhelm me. And in Seattle, almost everything is crowded and overwhelming. I decided to try this fest out. I kept it to myself though, because I've lost track of how many times I plan on doing something, and in the end I change my mind. Since moving to SLC, I've been pushing myself to step out of my comfort zone a little bit. What I've been realizing is that I've been stuck in stagnant for awhile now. While I was living in Seattle, I may have been not drinking and all of that, but I wasn't doing all that much to make my life better. I allowed my depression to really take over, and I didn't even realize. So, one of the ways to change is to grow, and experience new things, and get new perspectives. And you have to challenge yourself.
So, I went to the vegfest, I was the first person there for the first SLC vegfest, and it was my first time at any vegfest, so that's pretty cool. And guess what? I lived. No one killed me, I wasn't laughed out of the place, whatever worst case scenario I thought might have happened didn't. And it wasn't even that crowded, which is one of the benefits to going to places early. I had fun, I left when I wanted and everything is fine. And I am proud of myself. I pushed myself. That's what it comes down to a lot of times is just pushing yourself.
I think that this is probably the most clear headed I've ever been. I'm eating healthy, sleeping good most nights, crying when I need to cry, allowing myself to go through the grieving process, and just trying my best to be kind to myself. It sounds kind of funny to say this, but sometimes when you are used to living life in full self destruct mode, it can take a lot of work to be kind to yourself.
I hope that I continue on my positive path. I like hopping on here every now and again to write about something positive like this. I hope it will keep me motivated.