Reality Bites

I think I always knew that my adoption was a mistake. I remember meeting my adoptive parents families, and thinking what have I gotten myself into? It was horrible. I have not one common interest as them, there is nothing like minded at all. The only thing any of us share is we're human. Now, I understand that plenty of people feel like strangers with their own families, but in my case I don't even share DNA with these people.
I used to dread visits to see their family. My adoptive mom has a ton of sisters and one brother. Her sisters are the kind of women who I go out of my way to avoid. They love the mall, and they love to gossip. I want to crawl out of my skin when I'm around them. And it's no one's fault. It's just that we weren't really meant to be in each others lives.
I cut off all communication with my adoptive family about a year ago. They haven't tried to reach out to me, and they knew what I went through recently. losing everything, and I mean everything and they didn't offer to help. Not that I expected help from them, I'm just making the point that they have clearly accepted my decision.
Although I know that my decision is the right one for me, it doesn't change the fact that is scary to be out in this cold world alone. I don't have a hometown, I don't have a childhood home to go to. There will never be a time when I am called home for a family crisis. I was watching some reality competition type show, and the contestants families were there cheering them on, and I realized if I were on this show, I would have no one, unless they allowed my cats to come cheer me on. It's a good thing I have no aspirations of being on a reality competition show!
I guess being in a new city, and feeling lonely has made me really realize what it's like to have no home base. I have to find somewhere to make it work, because I have nowhere to go, and no one to lean on, it's up to me. And that is the scariest, loneliest feeling ever.