I've been working my way back into doing guided meditation. It's been a little over a month since I've done anything. I tried once, when I was still in Seattle, staying with my ex and it was almost impossible. I couldn't even sit through one minute. I feel like I need it now more than ever. I desperately want to make some changes in my life. I don't want to live the rest of my life being miserable in my dead end job, barely making it and losing everything over and over. It's no way to live, and it's been my life for so long. It's drained me, and I never even really realized how much. I was too busy drinking and smoking away the pain.
It's not like I have dreams of hitting the big time or whatever they say. I just want to have a little dog walking business. I've lived on or below the poverty line for my entire adult life, so I don't even need to make a ton of money. I just want to get some enjoyment out of what I do, and live my modest little life.I'm putting it out there, I'm visualizing, I'm manifesting, I'm setting it free in the universe. I really hope I can make it happen.
I've been working so hard on my health, and I know from experience that working in these miserable environments is not good for my happiness or health. It's always the same story, I start out swearing that the negativity and misery is not going to get to me, and it always does. After a month I'm standing outside smoking and bitching. Then, hating myself for it. It's a nasty cycle.
I'm hoping that by starting up meditation, and other healthy habits I can continue on the journey to health and healing. And I really hope my vision turns into reality.
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