Musings

Yesterday morning I was gazing out of my kitchen window while doing my dishes. My neighbors were out in their yard enjoying the beautiful morning. It appeared to be an adult daughter and her mother. They were at total ease with each other, the way most healthy mother daughter relationships seem to be. It gave me that uncomfortable ache that I try like hell to ignore. That void in your soul that is just there, and it's not going away. I never had that with my birth mother as a child or teenager. And I also never had that with my adoptive mother. As a matter of fact, at this point I have zero relationship with either. My adoptive mom tried, she really did. But we are two very different people with very different outlooks on life. And My adoptive mom cannot handle the fact that I don't share her religious beliefs. It's a big problem. I think when she adopted me she assumed I would just discover that their way is the right way. She never stopped to consider what would happen if I didn't "see the light"
The funny thing is that I feel like I would have a good relationship with my birth mother as an adult. I've come to accept that I am so like her, good and bad. I think we could have worked through our issues, and maybe become friends. Maybe not, I'll never know. But, I think it would be helpful to at least be able to talk to someone who thinks like me, and feels like me.
I feel like it must be a very comforting feeling to have someone who will always be there for you, and always listen to you. Someone you can confide in, and who will give you a hug when you need it. That person who will come and take care of you when you're sick, go shopping with you and watch movies when you're well.