Fighting Back

I once knew a woman who was a hoarder. I don't even remember how we met, but I will never forget the first time I went to her house. She had invited me, so she knew she would be having company. I was horrified when I walked in. She was both a hoarder of things, but also a hoarder of garbage. The smell was something I will never forget. She was very casual, politely asking me to "excuse the mess." I didn't know what to say, how do you politely explain the difference between a mess, and a building that should be condemned?
At some point down the road, the subject of her hoarding came up.She told me that she didn't always live like that. She said one day she got depressed, and then BAM twenty years and a houseful of garbage happened. I will never forget that explanation for as long as I live. As I mentioned in my last post, I have battled depression for as long as I can remember, it flows in and out of my life. I have definitely let it take over at times. Thankfully not to the extent of this person I'm talking about, but it could easily happen. I actually use her house as a tool to help control my depression. If something happens in my life that warrants a bit of a breakdown, I give myself a certain amount of days to lose it and wallow, and then it's back to real life, where you do dishes and take trash to the dumpster, etc.
I think the majority of us are creatures of habit, and depression can easily become a habit. Feeling bad starts to become the new feeling good. I didn't hoard, but I coped with depression and lost track of time, though thankfully not twenty years with drinking. It just became normal, everyday life.
The thing about depression is that you have to fight back, and you have to be consistent if you want to keep it from taking over. I've learned that making lists of things you will accomplish for the day is a great way to start. As you cross out things you've accomplished, you start feeling good, and feeling proud of yourself, and things start looking less overwhelming. A lot of things get ignored when You're depressed, and that can lead to getting overwhelmed, which leads to nothing getting done, which leads to more depression, and so on and so forth. It doesn't have to be that way. Sometimes it's the smallest things that can really start a domino effect of good habits. Last week I was having a day where I was just in a funk, and could not shake the blues. I forced myself to take a little afternoon walk, which is not in my normal routine, and the fresh air, and doing something different made me feel better, and it made me feel motivated to continue on with fighting this the healthy way, not delving back into old habits. It doesn't matter what it is, good, positive, self loving actions will lead to more of the same.