Changing It Up a Bit

I've been trying to figure out what direction I'm taking this blog in for awhile now. When I first started it I thought it was going to be a place where I ranted about my exes. I do talk about past relationships, but I guess I haven't felt like ranting as much as I thought. I've come to the conclusion that it's because I really don't blame my exes for much. Yes, almost all of them are a bunch of complete wankers, and anyone with a shred of self esteem would have run the other way, but what can you do. They were just doing what we are all doing. Living life. Like I said, someone who isn't aggressively self destructive would have never even known these guys. So I feel like I've been and will continue to do more ranting about myself.
I realized the other day that I am so pent up with things that I want to say, and feelings that I need to work through and no one to say anything to. I mean, no one like a therapist, or someone who will really hear me, and listen, and not tell me that I shouldn't feel the way I feel. I feel like I've been told I shouldn't feel the way I do so many times in my life, and it never stops irritating me.
I'm going to talk about things I need to hash out, and things that are maybe uncomfortable. Something I've learned is sometimes just knowing someone is or has gone through something similar to what your dealing with, even if it's a stranger it can make you feel less alone, and let you know that you aren't totally weird.
I guess what I'm saying is this blog is going to be like my therapy that I can't afford. Maybe writing things and working it out in my head will help. I don't think it will hurt.
Here goes embarrassing story number one. There is a couple who vlog on YouTube every day. They have been doing this for awhile now, and I watch their vlog every morning. It's become an important part of my morning routine. And every once in awhile I cry at some point in the video because they are so compatible, and supportive and just loving with each other. I don't  really cry because I want a relationship now, I cry because I think of how I've never had that, and I think of how much I've never felt supported, or cared about, or respected. I've never had a relationship where I can be free of worry of cheating, or abuse of some kind, or just nothing good. I just want to go back in time and hug myself. I also didn't experience a lot of positive, mutually supportive relationships growing up. I've come to realize I have daddy issues, mommy issues, and all the issues. I spent so long trying to deny I had any of these issues. It would have been much more productive to admit my issues, work through them and move on. But that's what I'm going to do now. The first step to anything is admitting it.
I don't know if anything I talk about here will be of any interest to anyone, or be of any help, but I know it will help me.
I might play around with  a name change, I haven't gotten that far yet. I know that not a lot of people are reading this blog, but for the few that are, I just want to say thanks, and I hope it stays interesting!