Taking a little break from rehashing dusty feelings to talk a bit more about meditation. I strayed away for about a week or so. One of my kitties got sick, and other things happened, and I just kind of stopped. I really only thought about it maybe once or twice, and just couldn't be bothered. Anyway, I told myself this weekend that Monday I would start again, and I once again feel great. When will I get it through my thick head that it helps, especially in times of high stress. Today I did yoga, and I meditated right after and I felt so grateful for breath! I think a lot of the time I'm a shallow breather, especially when I'm mad, anxious, or upset for any reason. Breathing deep feels so freaking groovy! A few of the guided meditations I follow mention forgiving yourself if you're having a hard time focusing. Continuing to work on that has spilled out into my non meditating life. For as long as I can remember I say the nastiest things to myself. I give up on things too quickly, if I don't catch on right away, or think I won't be good at it. This has been a huge problem in my life since forever. But I am able to forgive myself when my mind wanders. And my mind is wondering less. Even today, after many days of not having that focus. And because I didn't give up on meditation, and now I am feeling the benefits, it's opened my mind to possibilities in so many other areas. I say much less nasty things to myself. I try to be kind to myself in my thoughts.
It's really hard to commit to meditation, believe me I know. This is like ten years in the making for me. Start, finish. Start, suck, stop doing it. Hearing other people talk about the benefits, and believing them, but not believing it will work for me I've thought it all. And not everything is for everyone. But, I believe everyone could benefit from slowing down, breathing, and just being. I feel so grateful for so many things that I just took for granted before, and it's made me a happier person. I feel like I'm in on the joke. When people talked about gratitude, and loving life before it seemed like something reserved for certain people. It feels good to be one of those people. There are certain views in Seattle that I know I've seen a million times when I lived here before, but I don't really remember marveling in them. Now, every time I'm on bus route number 40 and I see the stunning view of the Cascade mountains, it never doesn't take my breath away. So, feeling gratitude for small things has made me an immensely happier person.
I also think meditation is helping me remember some of my feelings I fought so hard to bury They've taken up space for too long, and I need to feel them and deal with them. I think meditation is helping me to be strong enough to do this on my own. Other than what I write about on this blog, I have no one to talk to about this stuff, so the strength is coming from somewhere.
I really just want to encourage anyone who is struggling with meditation to hang in there. It will get easier, and sometimes it will still be hard. But the results are so worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment