My birth mom had a temper. I have a temper. Patience was not something that I was shown or taught as a child. For most of my life, I just thought it was out of my control. I just figured people who are patient and don't lose their shit were born that way, it was easy for them. And I'm sure there are a lot of people who just have that in their nature. But I've learned recently that you can control your temper, you don't have to lose it! I think meditation is really helping me with this. I know I've written about this before, and i don't mean to sound like a broken record, but it's just so exciting. I have had two times in the last few days where something happened that really pushed my buttons, and both times it's like someone took over for me, and I just closed my eyes, and told myself that getting pissed and losing it will serve no purpose. Now, I've always known that. But in the past I didn't have the control to not go ahead and get pissed anyway. And these two times I was able to just breathe through it, and the funny thing is both issues got solved, instead of nothing happening. I'm so relieved, because I've never liked that feeling of losing your temper. My face gets flushed, I feel like I can hardly breathe, and I feel like a scary person. I remember it was very scary seeing my mom lose he temper, and I still find it scar when I'm around anyone who's losing it.
More and more I'm really seeing such a positive impact on my life since I've started doing guided meditation. I've even started attempting silent meditation which honestly is still a struggle. But I feel like someday I'll get there. I hate to be corny, but I have to be patient with myself.
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