Woman in the Mirror

I've been wanting to read this book since it came out a few months ago, and yesterday I finally bought it. It's a memoir, and the author talks about her journey from being overweight and living with low self esteem, and all of the self abuse that can come with that, to losing the weight the healthy way, and learning to love herself. I've heard the author, Jasmin Singer on a few different podcasts, and I just knew I needed to read this book. She is so honest about her journey, and I really admire that.
In the first chapter, she's talking about all of the ways she avoided the mirror, or different ways she would place mirrors as to really not look at herself. I never really realized it, but that is exactly what I did while I was drinking and putting on the pounds, and just in general looking a mess. I also remember when I would have to buy clothes, and I would go up a size, I always had some kind of reason in my mind. I would tell myself that "this brand runs small", or the classic" I'm bloated" Anything to avoid the cold hard truth that my self abuse was affecting my health, and my appearance which pretty much go hand in hand. It's funny, when I was deep in the throes of my eating disorder, I couldn't stop looking in the mirror and obsessing over how hideous I was. So, I think it's safe to say that I've never really had a healthy relationship with a mirror. I think I was able to live in denial over my weight gain also because when I was doing my hardest drinking, I ate very little. Beer was my focus. So, somehow I just lived in denial that I was drinking more calories in a day than I ever could eat. But, every once in awhile i would accidentally get a glimpse of myself, and for a second there was no denial. How did I let myself get like this? Unfortunately, it just caused me to want to drink more. I wish I could go back in time and hug the old me.
I was reading this book today while waiting for the bus, and I realized that this needs to be a book I read only at home. It isn't a safe book to read in public, because it really stirs things for me, in a good way. This is the kind of book that you cry and laugh and every emotion in between right along with the author. I hope this book can inspire me to continue to heal, and also continue to figure out how to keep sharing my story, because I think that when we share our story, we help other people soooo much more than a million years of therapy.