Keeping Up

Last week I did a budget challenge on my vegan blog. I lived on five dollars a day, or thirty five dollars for seven days. I did cheat on the sixth day, so I did more like a six and a half day challenge. Anyway, I found myself having an emotional reaction towards the end. I found it hard to really explain anything that I might have learned, because living on a shoestring budget like that has been my whole life. There have been times, many times in my life where I would have given my right arm for thirty five dollars to buy food. I've gone through times when I can't afford Top Ramen. Like when your entire paycheck goes towards rent. Like every single penny. I've been embarrassed at the checkout line so many times by having to take stuff off because I don't have enough money that I've gotten pretty good at doing the math as I shop. I have always envied those people I see just tossing whatever they grab into their cart, without even looking at the cost. Then there's me, checking every penny per pound to make sure I'm getting the best deal. Not because I want to, but because I have to. I've lived most, if not all of my adult life with serious food envy. I think other bloggers who have done similar "below the line" challenges might have had more of an eye opening experience because it is not how they usually, if ever live. I learned long ago that my broke is very different from other people's broke. When I say I'm broke, I have no money, not even a penny like at all.
For me, the challenge week started out strong. I was coming up with some creative meals, I had found a good deal on some produce so I was having some fresh fruit and veg in my day, life was great. But towards the end I was out of anything fresh, and all of my meals were becoming a depressing shade of beige. I started feeling super panic-y. I guess maybe it was what they call a trigger? I don't know but it was just very surprising it was for me to wrap up the challenge with words. I thought I was going to have all of these really inspiring things to say, letting people know that you can eat foods other than Top Ramen when You're on a budget. Especially a vegan budget. There are so many misconceptions that eating vegan is super expensive, and it can't be done unless you're rich. I feel like in the end I failed because I just couldn't break it down the way I wanted. In the end, I just felt so relieved it was over, and I just wanted to move on.
I'm also somewhat embarrassed to admit how below the line I live. I guess we all want to keep up with the Joneses in one way or another.