Roadblocks

As I've been looking back on my life, and trying to deal with the past and all of that, I've come to realize that I have a self sabotaging streak. I can think of several very specific times where I really stood in my own way of achieving something more than serving food or drinks, and I'm sure there are a hundred million that have slipped my mind.
I was nervous last week because I really got into a funk, and I really wanted to drown and smoke away my sorrows. I mean, I really didn't want to, but I wanted to relieve some of the emotional pressure I was feeling. But, the thing is this is the longest time I've gone IN MY LIFE of really being healthy, and taking care of myself. It's like I'm getting to know myself in a way. My whole life I've been way to busy running away from who I really am, and it's caused a lot of stress and chaos. And stress and chaos get in the way of knowing yourself. I've spent more years than I care to admit trying to be someone or something I'm not. I feel like if I continue, it's going to lead to something really good, like seeing the world through your new glasses that you've needed for years. And I don't want to get in my own way.
One of my biggest fears is becoming one of those super grumpy, angry, bitter people you see who NEVER have anything good to say, and they spit in the eye of happiness. Different times I've worked in bars you see a lot of that in the older bartenders who are pushing sixty, and have been dealing with drunk people for the last thirty plus years of their life. I just have always swore to myself that I would not let myself ever get that miserable, no matter how many whatever I go through.
So this is me putting it in print, and out there that I am going to continue being healthy, continue choosing the path of striving for happiness. I've come too far, and I don't want to go back. I don't desire that life.
I was reading this article on self sabotage if anyone else struggles, or has struggled with this is interested.