Well, that was a fail. If you just accidentally stumbled on this post, I wrote earlier today that I was going to be brave and confidant and go sit by the pool at my apartment building. I was going to do it no matter what, whether there were people there or not. I guess I expected too much, the first time you put on your bathing suit after a winter of being covered up is a bit of a shock. I didn't think I would look great, but I have been eating healthy and doing seriously hard workouts, so I thought I would see an improvement over last year. I'm not going to turn this into a sob fest, just suffice it to say that my bod is not looking like the bod of someone who walks almost everywhere, and has been really pushing myself when it comes to my workouts! So, after looking at myself in the mirror, I already was wanting to forget my plan. But, I got over myself and got ready to go. Even though I was feeling the opposite of how I wanted to feel.
All hope was lost when I looked and saw that there were so many people out there! There were people sunbathing, the pool itself was crowded, it was a party. I just could not do it. I'm uncomfortable with crowds to begin with, and you add the vulnerability of being in a bathing suit, I mean forget it. I guess I should have chosen a week day for my big debut.
I will do it, I think I just have to dip my toes in first, not dive head first. I feel like there's no point in pushing yourself to the point where you're about to have a panic attack!
I'm off to meditate now, I need to clear my negative energy so I can keep focusing on the positives, not the negatives.
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