Making the Tough Choice

I love working out. I always have, even as a kid. I also loathe and detest gyms, so I've always worked out at home. Way back in the day it was VHS baby, back in the day it was DVD, and now I have any type of workout I want on YouTube. I say all of that to say what I wear doesn't matter, and I workout barefoot because carpet! As an adult, other than converse, I have never owned tennis shoes. I can't stand them! I loathe the way they feel so clompy on my feet. But, I needed tennis shoes and something decent to use for my new goal. I was waiting for the bus the other day, and I was staring across the street at this pretty big hill. I was thinking how that hill looked like it was waiting to be walked(hiked) up. This was actually last week sometime. So, that dang hill hasn't left my mind. I finally realized, I need to walk up and down that hill. Like every day. And keep track of my progress.
Up until about a year and a half ago I was a complete mess. Full of self loathing, finding any way I could to be self destructive, and just unhealthy. I have really been working on myself, but I have to admit I do feel like I've hit a wall. I feel stuck, and some days I feel tempted to smoke some cigarettes and drink some beer. In some ways my life felt more vibrant when I was indulging in unhealthy behavior.
It's getting to be the grey rainy season in Seattle, and to be honest the constant grey and drizzle is getting to me, and it's only just begun! When will I learn that I need to live in a mostly sunny climate! So, I have some hurdles in my health and happiness journey. I think walking up this hill every day will be a fun challenge, and I think it will keep me motivated to keep doing what I'm doing. And I know I will feel proud of myself, and nothing feels better than being proud of yourself. It's a pretty new feeling for me, and I like it.
The one thing I do like about the rainy season is the air always feels so dewy and fresh. So, I want to breathe in that fresh air. I think it will be good for my brain, as it will just be me and my thoughts. I don't put things in or on my ears to listen to when I walk, because I need to hear if the killer is coming. I've been stuck in my happiness journey as well. I just feel blocked, and stuck and I don't like it, so I think this goal is going to really push me to figure some things out.
I plan on keeping track of my progress here. I plan on doing this daily until the hill feels like flat land to me. After that, maybe I'll find a steeper hill. Seattle is a hill-y city, so it shouldn't be too hard! The only time I plan on missing a day is if I am sick, or if it is raining like there's no tomorrow. But as long as it isn't killer rain, I AM COMMITTED.
In a perfect world, we are surrounded by supportive people who help to motivate us when we need it. Well, one thing I know is the world isn't perfect, and we don't all have people who help keep us motivated. In a lot of cases there are people who want to pull you down not lift you up. Along with loving yourself is being your own motivator. Right now I have two choices. The easy choice is to give in and say eff it, and go back to my self destructive ways. It's easy, and it's what I know, and it's safe. The tougher choice is to keep pushing myself to be the best me I can be, and find my own healthy way in life. It's scary, unknown, and the harder choice. But for once, I am going to be brave and walk away from the safe, yet toxic choice.
It's Wednesday, and so I'm super late, but this hill is definitely my positive vibe Monday for the week!