Consistency and Hope

Consistency. This is a word I never gave much thought. It's a word that gets thrown around a lot, especially by fitness experts you read about, or watch on YouTube/TV. I used to roll my eyes actually when I heard people talk about consistency. Because for me, the one consistent thing was I needed a cigarette and a beer. And I hated everything about my life. Even when cigarettes and beer weren't a part of my life, I usually hated most parts of my life. So, throughout the years I would try various healthy habits, but I would give up for one reason or another. Yoga has been consistently in my life for almost ten years now, but for several of those years I was definitely phoning it in. Yoga was often interrupted by a hangover, or the need to create a hangover.
I think consistency goes hand in hand with hope. When you don't have any hope that your life can mean something, there isn't a lot of need for consistency. Why stick to the program when the program isn't going to help you anyway?
I credit that damn hill I've been trekking for teaching me this lesson. It's the point that I make myself do it even on dark, raining cold days when I really don't want to. When my very loved cat Dylan passed in January, I shut down. But I sill trudged that hill, and for many days I cried the whole trek, but I did it. And wouldn't you know, that ended up meaning something. The hill has lead to me starting and sticking with a meditation practice, which is something that I've started and stopped a million times in the past. Obviously, you have to stick with things for them to work, but also there is this feeling of pride you get when you stick to things, and it is amazing, and it definitely feels better than any drug I've done, and I've done a few! And, it really is true, one good choice leads to another, until you're just making the right choices, without even thinking about it.
Although I get frustrated a lot, feeling like I'm not dropping the pounds as fast as I think I should, the truth is I can see results from the harder workouts I've been doing. It's only a matter of time before I have a six pack, or twelve pack or whatever we're supposed to have. That isn't really even my goal, but I'm starting to see the cuts! And almost everyday I notice benefits from meditating. I'm calmer, I have A LOT more patience, and I feel much more connected to my intuition. I feel like two months of meditating has done more than YEARS of therapy.
What's most important for me is that I have hope. Each time I notice a positive change in myself, I feel a little more hope that maybe I actually will be able to create the life I want.
I am becoming a person who I used to give the side eye. I'm gushing on about consistency, and hope and all of that stuff. And I LOVE IT.