Trusting The Process

I'm trying so hard to be patient, and enjoy "the process" of losing the weight that I want to lose. I know it's happening, I can see the difference, mostly in my collar bone area for some strange reason. Also, I've had to tighten my belt a notch. That hasn't happened for awhile. It's just that it isn't happening as fast as I want!! I'm enjoying the way I've been eating, I recently did a 10 day potato cleanse where the majority of my daily calories came from potatoes. I also had greens and other non starchy veggies. I felt really great, albeit a little bored by the end. I felt so great as a matter of fact that I am still eating a very potato heavy diet. I've also been stepping up my workouts, and I'm really noticing how much easier my hill climbing has become. So, why can't I be appreciative of all the health I'm achieving? It's because I haven't wanted to admit this for soooooo long, but I desperately want to clean up my midsection. I guess whittle is a better word! Anyway, I kind of believe that we carry our feelings in our weight. A lot of unhappiness and sadness that I wasn't even aware of is what caused me to drink so heavily, and put on the weight. I remember years ago a cook I worked with at some diner said to me"if you didn't drink so much you would be really thin, because you don't eat that much" Although it was somewhat rude to say, it was also brutally honest. I just didn't care enough to stop drinking. I would often really try to go a long time without eating to make up for the calories in the beer which was just yet another beer soaked irrational thought. That might help if we're talking about skipping a snack to have an extra glass of wine, but not when we're talking drinking at least eight to twelve beers a day, pretty much every day. So, back to my thought on feelings and weight, I am hoping that as I am finally dealing with all of my many repressed feelings, I'm hoping that will help. I feel like the weight is like the many layers of pain that I feel.
It's not like me to put something so personal like my adoption out there. One of my favorite parts about living in Seattle is that I really don't get asked a whole lot about family life. When you say your family lives in PA, there isn't a whole lot more to say. I like to pretend that I had a s normal of a home life as anyone else. It makes life a lot easier for everyone. But I need to deal with these feelings. They have been taking up space in my mind and body for way too long. So, the first day that I wrote about my adoption, that wasn't planned, I just did it. So, I think that was my way of forcing myself to deal. Admitting it, and admitting that my family life is the root of a lot of my issues has been a huge relief. I thought I would deeply regret, and possibly want to delete all those posts but instead I feel free.
Now, if only my abs could free themselves from the flub!