Nature V. Nurture

Everyone says we become like our parents the older we get.  To hear some people talk, it's almost unavoidable. I have memories of my mom, but obviously they are slightly hazy for several reasons. But, I am so much like her. The good and the bad. She had very little patience, especially with me, but also in general. So many of my quirks I remember in her. I wonder how much more I would notice if we were still in each others lives.
One of the YouTube channels I watch took a visit to her mom's house, and it was funny how much the daughters apartment is similar to her mom's house with decorating, and similar nick knacks and all of that. It was probably totally accidental, and they probably don't even notice it.
Many people will probably go to their grave swearing that they are nothing like their parent, even if they are. Some people fight it, some accept it, and some people genuinely aren't much like their parents. It's all really fascinating.
I've always felt a sense of disappointment from D, my adoptive mother. I think I've said this before, but I think they both just assumed that all I needed was to be introduced to the Christian(the right way) way of life, I would bloom, and we would all be a happy, God fearing family. I always felt that I was disappointing them, and never understood why. It's an impossible problem, because the way I see it, they are who they are, and I am who I am. It's not fair to think I should have to become Christian when I don't even believe just to feel loved and accepted, but I also understand that they feel very strongly about their beliefs, so what to do? At this point, I do nothing. I have no desire to try to fix the problem. I do desire to fix the ache, the void.
These are all feelings that are pretty new to me. I did a lot of bingeing and purging, and a lot of drinking to deny all of this. When I have these strong bouts of memories, or strong feelings, it really helps me to write it here. Even if sometimes(most of the time) it's totally scattered. It helps. It keeps me from doing some kind of dumb self destructive thing to numb my feelings.
It makes it real, there's no going back, I am dealing with this. I remind myself of that every time I just want to stop being healthy, and just go back to my old ways, I am doing this. I've already waited far too long.