Step by Step

We're now into the third month of the New Year. By now, a lot of resolutions that were made have fallen way down on the list of priorities. It seems like the resolutions, or goals that we make, especially when they have something to do with fixing ourselves, or taking care of ourselves in any way are the easiest things to let go.
It's funny because society tells us to be happy and healthy, but at the same time many people consider it selfish to take time for yourself in any way. But, I see it as the opposite. Unhealthy, miserable people are a real pain in the ass to be around. I read a quote once that said something about how loving yourself is the greatest gift you can give others. It really woke me up. A few years ago I would not have been able to fully understand and appreciate those words. But it's so true. It's hard to hate yourself, but yet be a beacon of the light for the rest of the world. Have you ever been around someone who is just miserable and unpleasant about everything?
I was just thinking of a time in my life when I was in a really negative headspace. I had been living in Seattle for a few years at this point, and I hadn't yet found my groove. I was lonely, I was confused, and overall I was pretty unhappy. Not much made me smile, and even though I really liked this guy, and I thought he made me happy and all that stuff, but in the end he couldn't handle being with someone who griped about everything. I wasn't experiencing a lot of gratitude at that time in my life.
I'm still a work in progress, but as I've started working on myself, and cleaning out my emotional junk drawer, I see a change in myself. I feel surges of gratitude, and something I've learned is gratitude equals happiness. Sometimes I'll be walking somewhere, and all of a sudden I will be filled with gratitude for fresh air, or something like that. And it makes me smile, like a big goofy smile. It's amazing.
My best advice is to start small. A lot of times we make plans for huge changes, it becomes overwhelming, and so we give up. I've done that a million times. Small changes really do lead to bigger changes. For me, months ago I told myself I was going to walk up this steep hill across the street from my apartment. I have been walking up that hill not every single day, but many days a week for months now, and I still feel proud of myself every time I do it. And, it's true, when you feel better about yourself, you feel better about other people. My hill walking has led to other changes that I've actually stuck with, like meditation. I've started and stopped  a meditation practice so many times, but this time is different. This time I'm not expecting miracles, I'm actually enjoying the process.
I never thought I would be typing words of encouragement, and mean them. But I am encouraging anyone to continue to fight for your own happiness, it is possible. And small steps do make a big difference. I used to think you would have to do huge lifestyle makeovers, but you don't. One step leads to another step.
Before I sign off, I am enjoying a cup of Sweet Chai O Mine, and the tea bags have lovely little uplifting quotes on them, and this is what I just read- "Never wish life were easier. Wish that you were better."