Kicking and Screaming

Today was another one of those days that more than anything, I did not want to walk up that damn hill! It was raining pretty hard, and sometime in the last few days I've lost my hat, and ugh, I just didn't want to do it! But, for awhile I was accepting the excuses, and I promised myself, so I did it! Today was another one of those days that was really important for me to make myself do it. I also was not wanting to meditate. I just felt like I wouldn't be able to concentrate. Isn't it funny the excuses and bargaining tricks we use on ourselves? I was saying to myself that since I forced myself up the hill, maybe I could skate on the meditation. It's like inner me is a five year old child trying to get out of something, and I'm having to be my own parent and set rules and boundaries!
I'm glad I forced myself to meditate, because I discovered someone who I had never heard of. Her name is Susanne Kempken. I did her five minute morning meditation for positive energy. I really enjoyed it, and she described a glowing yellow ball of positive energy, and it was so easy for me to visualize this, because I kind of visualize glowing energy a lot. She has a very pleasant, soothing voice, and I liked her style. I figured I will pass on people's names as I go, in case other people are interested in starting a practice. With recent world events, and it being the holidays, everyone could probably use a little more zen in their day.
I feel like by forcing myself to do these things, it's like I'm forcing myself to love and be kind to me. That might sound crazy, but that's how it feels. Back when I was smoking cigarettes, I would still step out in the nasty ass rain and smoke a cigarette, and not even give it a second thought. But with this hill, I try and let the rain be an excuse. Or, I'll try and tell myself I don't have time for the hill or to meditate for five lousy minutes, but I never thought twice about taking five to ten minutes for a cigarette any chance I could get. It's too bad that harming myself comes so much easier than healthy, loving habits!
I hope everyone has a calm and groovy Sunday!