Balance

                                        
I love The Young Turks (especially Cenk!!) and I watched this video yesterday, and it had me thinking all day. Towards the end of the video, Cenk talks about living a life of balance, and it really hit home. Balance is the best word to describe what I am going for in my life. I have done so many extremes in my life, and the healthier I get, the more I crave balance.I certainly haven't lived as crazy of a life as Charlie Sheen, but I have lived my own version of his life. In my experience, Cenk is absolutely right, when you don't live a life of balance, there is a price. I can say that I have a particular issue that stems from my years as a bulimic, and it will be a thorn in my side for the rest of my life. Someday I would like to write about it, maybe as a cautionary tale for someone else, but I'm not really ready yet. But just trust me it is very difficult to deal with, and I did it to myself.
I'm sure my lungs aren't the greatest, or my liver after many years of abuse. I don't have health insurance, so what you don't know, right? That's why I know a lot about different herbs and spices, and foods are very good for both of those body parts, because I don't need a doctor to tell me I've done damage, so I do my best to try to heal myself.
There's a thought that people who are "partiers" are just happy go lucky people who love to party, and often people look at them almost with admiration. Especially men. Men are the party animal, bachelor for life, and they are considered super fun, and I think a lot of people think of them as super free spirited, happy go lucky people. Maybe some are, but in all of my years as a partier, and also being exposed to that lifestyle through my work as a bartender and cocktail waitress I find that to not be true. When the stimulants wear off, the unhappiness comes in.
For me, coming off of living a life of excess I'm finding it hardest to deal with the pain and feelings that I worked so hard to drink away. I feel like it stunted my emotional growth as an adult. I feel like I'm figuring things out that I should have figured out years ago. And sometimes emotionally it can be overwhelming, because it's a lot of pain I masked through booze, so when some of it hits me, and then more hits me, and I don't have that outlet, it's very overwhelming.
Our life catches up with us. That is something I absolutely never allowed myself to think about. I never stepped out of any of my self destructive patterns to think about how this could and would affect the future. I guess part of me didn't care, because I didn't value myself or my life. But the truth is, our habits and choices, both good and bad have a huge affect on our lives not only in the moment, but in our future. That is the hardest thing for a "partier" to understand.