A little while after moving to Seattle, I got my hair trimmed. Actually I got my hair cut. Like six inches. It was pretty noticeable. My ex never noticed, and even when I pointed it out, he didn't have the courtesy of saying it looked nice. Isn't that boyfriend/husband 101? If you get busted not noticing, at least compliment? I also mentioned once that I was starting to see a little definition in my abs under all the beer flub, and again nothing. I kind of chided him for not saying anything nice, supportive, encouraging, whatever, and he responded by saying "you know that stuff doesn't matter, I accept you at any size." It was a double whammy- no compliment for you, and I'm going to make you feel shallow for wanting one. I think for me it's less about a compliment, and more about support and encouragement. Especially because living, or trying to live a healthy, balanced life is still relatively new to me, and I still sometimes feel tempted by my old ways. Isn't that supposed to be one of the benefits of being in a relationship, support? I have always believed it's less lonely to be alone, than to be surrounded by people who could care less. My last relationship did nothing but reinforce that opinion.
I don't want to come off as cynical, or anti relationship. I love being in a loving relationship, and i love the feeling of being in love, and feeling loved, and all of these things. Romantic comedies are one of my favorite types of movies, the cheesier the better! But, my life hasn't been like a romantic comedy, well it has but only the jerky bad parts, and over the years I've learned to welcome the fact that I am an introvert, and not fight it. When I was younger, if i wasn't hanging out with a guy, or going out or doing something with "friends", I just felt like i must be the biggest loser, blah blah balh. I'm sure we've all been there! I also used to beat myself up for not having a boyfriend, or dates, or any of that stuff. But somewhere along the way, I realized that I love, and need to live alone. I feel very strongly that if I ever got married, I would want to still keep my own place for refuge. I've lived alone for so long, that I just can't imagine co-existing. I love that I can take up all the space in the bathroom, and leave my lotions and potions everywhere! And that's just one example.
This is just a rambling post. My mind is buzzing from reading this book, and I am feeling like I'm on the cusp of figuring some things out. Things that are long overdue.
I want to sign off with this quote that really struck me." If you haven't had at least a slight poetic crack in the heart, you have been cheated by nature."- Phyllis Battelle
Great post! I think having your own place is great and much needed - everyone needs a place to go and be 'safe' and reflect and have some alone time :)
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'm still trying to find the voice of this blog.
DeleteI've been living with someone for a year and a half now but before that I lived on my own for a long time. We both really feel the need to have our own space though and we are lucky to be in a 3 bed place so we have taken a room each as a studio/office. Have you ever read A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf? You might find it interesting.
ReplyDeleteNo, I haven't read that book, but I'm going to look for it! Thanks, I love to read, and I love recommendations. If I did ever live with someone again, I would definitely have to have an extra room!
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